Once upon a time, I wanted love through a man. I have always thought that love through a man is what it was all about: merely companionship with the opposite sex. I figured he would be in love with me, and I would love him back. That would be how our “unconditional love” would work. There is one problem, though. What would happen if he didn’t love me back or at least the way I thought he should? The chapter of us in a relationship would be closed. If not physically, it would be closed emotionally. As a child, I’ve always dreamed of acquiring love. I could never truly grasp the understanding of it, but I knew that I wanted it. I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was watching Love and Basketball with my dad and siblings one evening. Something about the movie moved me so much. Maybe it was the young love they had between one another since they were kids. Maybe it was the moment she decided to play against him in “the game for his love.” In both cases, I wanted what they had, or at least anything close to it.
I remember going into my room that night, praying that I would have a love like theirs: a young, pure, sweet, and unconditional love. Now that I look back at that particular moment, it is quite funny to me. What was an 8-year-old girl doing praying for love in the first place? What could someone that young possibly know about love? Well, obviously I knew nothing about it, but I knew I wanted it. I wanted to attain love so much that I was willing to ask God for it. I believe all people deeply just want love. But the love I speak of is way more than just a sexual affection because of loneliness or sexual arousal. Love is something more: It is loyal, it is free, and it is Magic. Love is God’s magic.
In my tenure of life, I can honestly say I have always sought for love. I, unfortunately, looked in the wrong places with the wrong people. So, I never really thought I’d find love in God, but I did. Now that I have found love in God and through Jesus Christ, I have realized it is way more than I thought it would be. All I want to do is give love to people and to the man God chooses for me. Now, this man’s love may not be what I anticipate. Love is patient. Even if he hurts me, I won’t hurt him back. Love is kind. Even if he chooses to walk out the door to lay with another woman, love endures all things.
WOW. I never thought I would write that one as I’d hate to share my husband. Nonetheless, if God tells me to love him, I will love him. When I think of all the times, I betrayed and disrespect God just for Him to continue to love me even in my sin; it’s enough for me to love someone the way He loves me. God gave me a principal on how to love my husband to be: “Love him like your son and respect him as your father.” Simple. To a lot of women, this may sound like gibberish. It once did to me as well. But God! He showed me how to love by loving Him first. In the midst of learning to love Him, I learned to love myself. In loving myself, I learned to love others. God showed me how to give selfless love. Love puts others’ needs before mine, and in return, God meets all my needs and more.
Rather than learning to love the way the world teaches, which is ultimately selfish and only conditional; the Lord showed me how to submit myself for His sake; for Love’s sake. This understanding of love is the Lord’s wisdom. It is the opposite of what the world teaches. In His love, I learned to take down the walls of my heart. I now want to let the Holy filter of God’s love to protect it rather than myself, for I am weak. I know now that my job is to love the way God has made me to love. My job is to give nothing but love. I was once a lonely and broken little girl, but now I am built by Jesus to be a loving woman. I never considered myself to be this type of woman. I’ve received what I’ve always wanted and prayed for. With God, through Jesus Christ, I found love in Him and ultimately in me. Now my fountain is ready to pour over and quench others.
Thank you, Jesus, for your patience with me, and for your loyalty even when I denied you. Thank you for seeing the best in me and showing me just what you made me to be. I LOVE YOU. Amen
“But whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” John 4.14